May 26, 2017
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Prior to coming to Japan, I had believed that there is no such thing as a wasted effort. Everything I have done had a purpose and will connect together at some point to mean something in some way. That was a motivation message I took to heart from Danny Choo, a person that played a role in my exposure to Japan. Those words were true. That was how I came to learn Japanese, by simply doing what I loved and immersing myself in my hobbies. Every moment I spent watching anime, reading in games, listening to broadcasts, and singing songs formed my language skill level today. Never had I thought I would be become this fluent in Japanese.
In other moments of my life, the things I have done and spent time on may not have led to an accomplishment, but they definitely resulted in something, such as connecting to a new hobby or met new friends. Or sometimes just plainly, I had fun. Many things in my life were all by chance, coincidences stacked upon coincidences through the decisions I made and eventually took its shape into what is my life. I am everything I have ever done.
But, I recently begin to question the thought that there is no such thing as a wasted effort. I ask myself, what was my time in Japan in the last 7 months for? What has it accomplished me and contributed to? I lost a friend, used up my brother’s and parent’s money, and still I am exhausting my time. What I have gained were the engravings of loneliness, despair, and dread into my soul, getting a taste of the life of all work and no free time, simply surviving the day and envied those who can afford food. Is going through these feelings again and again necessary for something? What do these experiences lead to? What am I suffering for? With regards to positive events, I attended my first ever gunpla expo and saw Kawaguchi Meijin in person, watched the impactful SAO movie in theaters, and now being able to hang out in Japan with another close friend. They were fun and inspirational moments. But could I make something out of them?
I feel and fear that the path I am walking on may be a dead end. The best that I can think of is that my time in Japan up until now were there to make me reconsider the future that I truly want to pursue. However, I cannot see beyond that.
May 15, 2017
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In the movie ひるね姫 ～知らない私の物語～, there was a scene where the protagonist, ココネ (Kokone, a high school girl), was told by an old man to not waste any time in life because life is short. Kokone replies by asking when did life started to feel short because she feels that life is incredibly long and distant.
Ever since then, I too wondered the same. Life should be long and distant. But for me right now, life seems short and time passes fast. To answer Kokone’s question, life and time started to feel short around when I was graduating from university. The possible reasons why are plentiful, and I don’t have an exact answer I decided upon yet.
What I do know however, is that I want to regain that feeling I had lost with respect to the passage of life and time, to once again live at my own pace, to stand in the position of Kokone’s outlook on life. //Continue Reading//
April 19, 2017
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Originally, I was going to take a photo of a sakura tree, of which the flowers have mostly fallen off by now, as an example to show how things keep on slipping by in my current life. Spring came and the sakura bloomed. If it was me several years ago, I would have been excited, going around places taking photos of the flower to upload onto this blog. Even now, I reminisce about the moments I spent in Kyoto during spring 2012. This year, this time in Japan, I have not taken a single photo of them. The sakura petals have fallen and they are gone now. Much like my inability to take photos of the sakura on time, other things in my life simply keep on slipping by. The reasons and scenarios were various. Anyways, I thought I was too late to yet another event.
But today, I saw these flowers at a park nearby. I admit. I don’t know what these flowers are. However, they fulfilled the same role as sakura in my heart, beautifully vivid pink trees in full bloom during spring. This wasn’t quite what I had imagined, but this alternative will do. I dreamed of living together with friends in Japan, hanging out, buying things, and engaging our hobbies. My life right now isn’t quite what I had imagined… but perhaps… this alternative might do.
//続きを見る Continue Reading//