-フローレス パッション-

「毎日楽しいの為に」 Flawless Passion

“After The Storm” – 2018 Reflection

2017 was the hardest and the most unstable year of my life so far and the difficulties continued into the first quarter of 2018. After that first quarter of struggles though, the rest of the year was then about settling down.

That period of transition in April, that very timing was special. A lot of drastic changes happened at once. My sole friend in Japan is gone, I had a new working environment, I had decided to end this blog, and more. A new life to get adjusted to.

By ending the blog, and that being ending the recording of my daily life, I had much less stress and could use my free time more freely. I still try to keep up with my monthly loots, and that is about it. The blog is now something I update and work on randomly from time to time rather than sitting down for hours trying to recall my last month of activities.

Work-related wise (which I don’t like to mention, so just briefly), the conditions are now significantly better than before in multiple ways. Coupled with my new living conditions that is the sharehouse, I have finally attained the environment that I so desperately desired. An environment where I can sleep in comfort, earn a decent living, and focus on my goals.

Then, over the summer and partially into autumn, my little brother came to visit me in Japan for 3 months. For me, it was a reunion, for I had not seen my little brother in person in 2 years. We kept in contact online, and he had been a huge mental support. And it was also his first time to Japan. We hanged out on a daily basis: watching anime and Kamen Rider, playing games on the PSV and PS4, attending special events, watching movies in theaters, eating out, or going out to sight-see. Much like with my friend who was with me in Japan the year prior, I hope that the time in Japan was meaningful for him.

My little brother coming to live with me for 3 months, by chance, triggered another set of changes that ultimately resulted in me having my own room. I knew that I wanted my own room, but I did not expect it to happen this soon. Now, in addition to being able to sleep in comfort, earn a decent living, and focus on my goals, I can also fully enjoy my hobbies.

From then until the end of the year was just me trying to focus on my goals again. The progress of which had been very very slow and it is something that I understand will take me many years just to achieve a level satisfactory to myself. All I can do is continue to work on it whenever I could. Some day. Some day.

My wish for next year. It has taken me a very long time to attain this new life with a balance of sleeping, earning, practicing, and enjoying. The current environments that make up my lifestyle right now are so so so dire to me, and my only wish is to have it continue throughout 2019. My initial savings goal had also just been achieved as of the end of 2018. Until I feel ready for the second phase of my savings goal, I will lift my restriction on personal expenses and truly buy whatever I want. If my belongings are a monument to all my sins, then at the very least, I hope they will ankor me to life in Japan.

I feel faithful for next year.

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A Snapshot of Thoughts #7 – November 9th, 2018

Solitude. Thinking about my life right now, that’s the first word that came up in my mind. Reflecting back upon my life, my social interactions with friends in particular, I wondered how things could have been different. There had been occasions where I missed (or skipped) the chance of meeting new people. I wonder if I had not been shy, or simply had full understanding of the situations, if I could have meet my one and only.

Currently, there are people near me that I could supposedly call “friends”. However, there isn’t anyone here that I connect with on a deep level. I don’t have any best friends in Japan. Just recently for the past 3 months, my little brother came to visit me in Japan. And before him, my friend Lettuce (whom I consider a best friend) was in Japan with him from April 2017 until April 2018. However, they are not here anymore. They and the rest of my really good friends are all on the other side of the ocean. I am alone.

七月の購入物 July Loots – 2018

This month, I didn’t intend on getting very much but still ended up with a tad bit more than I expected to buy. Next month in August, I have plans on spending a whole bunch of money and so I wanted to reserve more funds by spending less this month. Each item wasn’t expensive, so in reality I didn’t spend very much. The cost of all of the loots combined amounts to less than $100.


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六月の購入物 June Loots – 2018

June! The month of my birthday. But sadly, if I include this year in the count, then my birthday hasn’t been celebrated in the past 3 years. That is how long my life situation has been overpowering me. To celebrate one’s and another’s birth is an important occasion in my opinion, but in reality, it is simply a single day. And to spend an excess of money for just a single day for the purpose of celebrating an idea was something I cannot and have not been able to afford. So as sad as it is, just minimal loots for this month.


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五月の購入物 May Loots – 2018

Just last month, I attended Comic 1, a doujin event much like Comiket but a lot smaller in scale. And already, it is time for yet another doujin event, this one called Comitia. Comitia is a little different from Comiket and Comic 1 in the way that Comitia only allows original creations, or in other words, your own characters you made. Nothing at Comitia is from any exisiting series. All originals only. Extending beyond that rule, no cosplay is allowed either. That goes to illustrate Comitia’s focus on originality and fostering new creations.

I really appreciate these events where you get to buy directly from the artists involved. I purchased a number of doujinshi, mostly illustration books but also some R18 ones. It was difficult to show everything all in one photo, so I separated them in all-ages and R18 below.


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四月の購入物 April Loots – 2018

This month, I attended Comic 1, a doujinshi event similar to Comiket but smaller in scale. All of this month’s loots consists of the doujinshi I bought at Comic 1. It was my second time attending a doujinshi event (with my first time being Winter Comiket last year). Although smaller than Comiket, Comic 1 was still a large enough event for creators to make new contents for it. I enjoyed going around circles I haven’t seen before and got some good loots.


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三月の購入物 March Loots – 2018

Not much in terms of numbers for this month’s loots. However, that doesn’t mean I didn’t spend a lot of money. The primary reason, as you might be able to guess, is the PS4.


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「終わり(そして始まり)」- Struggles in Japan 18 – March 2018

The month of March started off with bad news, bad luck, and just trouble overall. I won’t mention any details but certain things derailed and when the month turned to April, it exploded. By sheer luck and timing, I was able to save myself. In fact, I can even argue that I am in a better place now than before. In March, a lot of things came to an end. I have been considering many things and decided that it is time for this blog to come to an end as well.

When I started this blog as a high school student in 2010, I had a fair amount of free time. But now, things are different and I have way too much to do. I cannot afford to play catch-up and this blog is entirely that. I cannot fully explain my reluctance to pick up the camera in recent years but for as long as I continue to feel that way, this blog will be on hiatus. Thank you for the 8 years.

I purchased a new desk that is perfect for my tasks.

Below: my life in the month of March.
I have finished moving into the new community share house. All that remains is to clean out the previous house. Already it is a quarter into 2018. Everything I want to do, I must start today, to settle down and set up my own space and new life. I have a new desk that will be my station from today forward. //Continue Reading//

A Snapshot of Thoughts #6 – March 15th, 2018

What kind of future do you seek for yourself?

For most of my life, I avoided thinking about my future. I didn’t know what I want to be or what I want to do. It was tiresome enough just to endure through today and tomorrow. If I did had any idea, it was that I wanted to be in Japan.

And now, I am here in Japan.
But life doesn’t just end there. My story isn’t a “I got to Japan and lived happily ever after” story.

I am alive here today, and have to connect the present to the future for as long as I am alive. However, it is clear that the path in front of me is a caved in tunnel. What I must do now is to dig my way out.
Not a pretty picture, right? Digging your bare hands into a pile of endless rubble, with no idea when or how the whole place might come down on you. If there is anything that is certain, it is that nobody will help you. You are on your own. I am on my own.

//Continue Reading//

二月の購入物 February Loots – 2018

Exactly one year ago in February 2017, the Sword Art Online movie, Ordinal Scale, released in theaters. I went rampant buying a bunch of SAO goods. This February, the game Sword Art Online: Fatal Bullet was released. I purchased the most premium version, the Dengeki 25th anniversary commemorial edition (電撃25周年記念版), which includes the limited edition and Dengeki special pack. That took up pretty much my entire budget for hobbies and fun in February, but I added a couple more things into this month’s loots, the limited editions of the two Accel World PSP games. They are old games and quite cheap. Let’s look at these games in detail.


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